It’s a simple question when a little kid has the doctor’s stethoscope and is trying to listen to their heartbeat or when he’s trying to remember where to place his hand when saying the Pledge of Allegiance. But it’s not so simple when we think about our lives, our parenting, our motives, and our goals.
Today, I asked myself and asked God to show me where my heart is. Is it like David who was “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22)? Is it focused on ministering to others or growing closer to God?
It’s humbling when we recognize our hearts and minds have been focusing on the urgent and not the important. Or worse, the selfish and not the beneficial. Jesus himself reminded us that “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21).
The Heart Check: Practical Questions for Daily Reflection
As discipling parents, we want our children’s hearts to follow after Christ, to seek him, and to know him. As disciples of Christ, we must be the same. And we need to let the Holy Spirit show us when we’re focused on the wrong things or are getting caught up in the lesser things.
But how do we actually examine our hearts? Here are some practical questions I’ve started asking myself:
In my parenting:
- Am I more concerned with my children’s behavior or their heart attitudes?
- Do I pray for my children as much as I worry about them?
- When I discipline, am I pointing them toward Christ or just toward compliance?
- Are my expectations based on God’s design for them or my own desires?
In my daily life:
- What occupies my thoughts during quiet moments?
- Where do I turn first when I’m stressed or overwhelmed?
- What am I treasuring that might be competing with my love for God?
- Am I seeking to serve others or primarily focused on my own comfort, desires, or agenda?
Signs Our Hearts May Be Drifting
“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9, NLT), which means we need regular check-ups. Some warning signs I’ve noticed in my own life:
- Anxiety overtaking trust: When worry becomes my default response instead of prayer
- Performance replacing relationship: When I’m more focused on doing Christian things than being with Christ or like Christ
- Comparison stealing joy: When I measure my family against others instead of celebrating God’s unique plan for us
- Busyness crowding out stillness: When I’m too hurried to hear God’s voice or notice His presence
Practical Steps for Heart Alignment
Create space for honest reflection. Set aside time weekly or even daily (I like Sunday evenings and mid-afternoons) to ask God to search your heart. David prayed, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23, NLT).
Use Scripture as your mirror. Let God’s Word reveal areas where your heart needs realignment. “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” (Hebrews 4:12, NLT).
Invite trusted friends to speak truth. Sometimes others can see our blind spots. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17, NLT).
Practice gratitude intentionally. A grateful heart naturally turns toward God. Keep a simple gratitude journal or share thankfulness at dinner as a family.
Model heart-seeking for your children. Let them see you examining your own motives, apologizing when you’re wrong, and choosing God’s ways over easy ways. Talk about how God reveals to you when you’re taking wrong steps and corrects you. His correction is gentle but truthful. We can help our children welcome rather than fear God’s correction and leadership in their lives.
Teaching Our Children to Guard Their Hearts
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23, NLT). We can help our children develop this crucial skill:
- Ask heart questions, not just behavior questions: Instead of only “What did you do?” try “What were you feeling?” or “What do you think God wants you to learn from this?” or “What told you this was a good choice?” or “Why do you think you made this choice?”
- Share your own heart struggles appropriately: Let them know you’re learning to follow Jesus too
- Pray together about heart matters: Ask God to help with attitudes, not just circumstances
- Point them to Jesus regularly: Help them see that only Christ can truly change hearts
Today, I am praying two prayers, and I hope you’ll join me in them:
Lord, show me where my heart is. Help my heart be after your own heart. Renew my mind and fill me with your wisdom, discernment, and Spirit (Romans 12:2). Help me follow your footprints and not my own desires and worries.
And
Lord, help me as I parent. These are your children. They are here for your purposes. Help me help them find those purposes and to follow you in them. Help my heart to understand your heart for them, and help me to know where their hearts are. Bring our hearts back to you in every way right now. Where we’ve strayed, bring us back. Only you can help us because we know our own hearts are deceitful and untrustworthy (Jeremiah 17:9). Help us daily to follow you. In Christ’s name and your Holy Spirit’s power, amen.
The beauty of this journey is that we don’t walk it alone. The same God who called David “a man after my own heart” is the one calling us deeper into relationship with Him. He sees our hearts perfectly and loves us completely, even in our imperfection.
What will you discover when you ask Him, “Lord, where is my heart today?”