When Hospitality Is Hard: Finding Grace in Our Limitations and Learning Not to Fuss…instead:

We’ve been talking for weeks about hospitality, and we’ve talked about the amazing, healing, building up properties of this practice. We’ve talked about the powerful impact it has on each of our lives. However, we haven’t addressed how difficult it can sometimes be and what a sacrifice real hospitality is.

Whether we’re talking about having friends over and offering them sweet tea and cookies (or hot tea and biscuits, depending where you live), or we’re offering a place for a family in need to stay, hospitality costs us something. It costs time, energy, resources, and personal sacrifice. It can wear us out.

Have you ever seen hosts after a gathering? They usually collapse as soon as they can. We could do a survey:

After hosting a party, do you

1. Clean up and do the dishes before collapsing to rest? or
2. Leave the cleanup until the next day?

The best answer?

C. Neither. My wonderful guests help me clean up before they leave.

(That’s when you know you have really wonderful friends, or you live in the South, or both.)

But, seriously, hospitality isn’t always easy. It cost Jesus everything to open his home to us. It overwhelmed Martha (Luke 10:38-42), and she wanted help from her sister.

For those of us whose spiritual gift is not hospitality, we can find it even more challenging. We may be tempted to keep to ourselves and not offer help and hospitality willingly.

So, how can we gracefully and graciously be hospitable, honoring God, and blessing others while still keeping our health, sanity, and joy? We can remember and put into practice these four pointers to keep our attitudes and energy healthy and God-honoring. Remember not to fuss over things seeking perfection. Instead:

Find Joy in Imperfect Hospitality:

I find that many introverts struggle with perfectionism possibly even more than extroverts, or at least, their failure to achieve perfection sticks with them more. Finding joy and contentment in imperfect hospitality is a blessing. I try to remember that people remember how we made them feel more than they remember how perfect our table was set and how delicious the food was.

>The widow of Zarephath (1 Kings 17:7-16) shared her last meal with Elijah – showing hospitality isn’t about abundance but faithfulness to God’s leading and a willingness to share what we have with others.

>Mary and Martha again – Jesus valued Mary’s presence over Martha’s perfect preparations. Sometimes we need to stop, take a breath, and focus on what’s important – the people, honoring God, making our home feel welcoming rather than all the to-do’s and perfection.

>”Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.” (1 Peter 4:9, NLT) – If we are hyper focused on perfection and the surroundings rather than the people, we usually lose that cheerfulness we’re commanded to have. Hospitality, even when difficult, tiring, or challenging should still be filled with joy. Focusing on being perfect causes worrying about what others think, getting upset about something that isn’t just right, and feeling more pressure and even resentment that we’re having to host. Not good. We shouldn’t ruin our own joy and enjoyment In hosting others.

Use Wisdom In Saying Yes or No

We should not walk through every open door. We need to use discernment and wisdom to know which open doors are invitations we should accept and which we should decline. Maybe God wants someone else to lead or host the event, and we get in his way. Saying yes to what we know God is leading us to do helps us find purpose in hospitality as well as joy.

>Jesus himself said no to some requests: “But he replied, ‘I must preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent.’” (Luke 4:43, NLT)

>Acts 6:2-4 shows the apostles prioritizing prayer and ministry of the word over waiting tables

>”Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:37, NLT) – Jesus was teaching about being clear and honest in our commitments and in meaning what we say. If we say yes to something that is too much for our schedule or that we don’t feel we’re supposed to do, but we do it out of obligation or because we feel bad saying no, sometimes we wind up backing out and canceling which actually makes the situation worse. We are not doing anyone any favors including ourselves and our reputation when we don’t say no when we should.

Set healthy boundaries while maintaining an open heart:

Our culture often uses this idea of setting boundaries in a very selfish way, putting ourselves first and pushing those we consider “toxic” out of our circle. This is not the kind of boundary I believe God calls us to. I think the kind of boundary-setting is acknowledging our limitations and being obedience to God and not stepping into situations God isn’t telling us to take on. We see some examples of Godly boundary-setting in scripture.

>Jesus often withdrew to pray and rest despite people seeking him: ” But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.” (Luke 5:16, NLT). This shows the importance of boundaries even in ministry.

>Martha and Mary story (Luke 10:38-42) teaches about balance – Martha was distracted by preparations while Mary chose to be present with Jesus.

>”Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23, NLT) – reminds us to protect our spiritual and emotional wellbeing.

Save Yourself from Burnout and Fatique

God calls us to rest in him. He doesn’t call us to busyness and burnout. We need to create time to rest and recuperate and renew.

>Elijah was exhausted and kind of lost his way because of it, and God first helped him recuperate by eating and resting, and then God helped him get his attitude back in the right place and reminded him who God is (1 Kings 19).

>Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)

>”He [God] gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:29-31)

>Moses learned about delegation from his father-in-law (Exodus 18:17-23) when he was becoming overwhelmed with serving others

We can embrace hospitality with all it’s messiness and fellowship and let it enrich our lives while sharing God’s love with others when we don’t fuss so much trying for perfection instead of enjoying the blessing of imperfect hospitality.