What Kind of Parent Do You Want to Be When Your Child Is 25?

The Long View of Parenting

If you are the parent of young children, this may be something you haven’t given much thought:

When your children are twenty-five, what do you want your relationship with them to look like?

Do you want them to call you when things fall apart? Do you want to be the first person they tell when something wonderful happens? Do you want them to bring their spouses and their questions and their faith struggles back to you — not because they have to, but because they want to?

That relationship is being built right now. In the small decisions. In whether we explain or just demand. In whether we repair after conflict or just move on. In whether our children experience us as safe.

God parents with the long view always in sight. He is never only managing the moment. He is always working toward eternity and our growth — our ultimate good, our eternal flourishing, our formation into the image of His Son. Every boundary He sets, every season of discipline, every patient waiting is in service of that long arc.

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed.” — Psalm 103:13–14

He knows where He’s taking us. And He parents every stage with that destination in mind.

Many, maybe most, of us are not parenting with that kind of vision. We are surviving the week. We are hoping for better days when parenting gets easier. And that’s understandable — mixed-needs family life is relentless. But occasionally, we need to lift our eyes.

The parent who is always enforcing and never connecting will have a compliant child and a distant adult. The parent who is always explaining and never holding the line will have a child who learns that boundaries are optional. The parent who is present, consistent, honest about the why, and quick to repair — that parent is building something that lasts and is working at keeping the lines of communication open.

I’m not talking about being a perfect parent – as I’ve said many times before, perfectionism is just idolatry disguised as diligence. And none of us are going to be perfect this side of heaven. God’s patience with our slow growth is a welcome reality of blessing, and He extends that same patience toward us as parents. We may not be perfect, but we can be intentional, and that is important.

Take five minutes this week and write down three things you want your adult child to say about their childhood. Not about whether you got everything right — about how they felt. Known. Safe. Loved. Pointed toward something true.

Then ask yourself: is what I’m doing today moving toward that, or away from it?

That’s the long view. That’s parenting from God’s heart.

Next week: what it looks like to release our young adults — and trust God with what we can no longer control.

If you’re ready to dig deeper, check out our 7-day challenge, just 7 minutes a day: 7 Days to Fewer Blowups at Home: