The Gift of a Predictable Christmas: 5 Steps for Creating Traditions That Work for Mixed Needs Families

Christmas break has started, and the to-do list created with so much anticipation and excitement is already showing me I’m behind in my perfect holiday plan. Instead of everyone waking up to holiday festivities and chattering over breakfast about the day ahead, we had two meltdowns about things being different and one complaint about having cinnamon rolls rather than cereal. What I looked forward to only seemed to frustrate my children. They liked their routine. They were excited about Christmas, but they needed it to be a little more predictable.

I looked over my list of community and church activities and family plans, and I gave a little groan. Was it hopeless? Would they want to participate? Was I going to spend the entire season being disappointed? I needed a new plan—one that would help my family create the Christmas we could all enjoy.

First: I researched community activities that would be appropriate for our family, wrote down all the dates and times, and then called a family meeting.

Second: We went over the schedule together. We even talked about decorations and what each person liked the most about how we decorated our home, traditions they remembered and enjoyed, and which activities sounded fun to them. Everyone had input. No one was exempt.

Third: I took a deep breath and let go of the perfectionistic dream I’d had before break began.

Fourth: We made a new rule. Everyone did not have to participate in every activity. If some of us wanted to go ice skating, but some did not, we would let those who did not want to ice skate stay home. If everyone didn’t want to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, they didn’t have to. We gave all of us freedom. However, we did request that everyone choose a few activities to take part in because we all agreed we wanted Christmas to be special. Everyone was required to attend the extended family Christmas even though they did not have to participate in every second of the day. We planned from some times when they could disappear from the crowd and be on their own in their rooms.

Fifth: Once we discovered what each person felt made Christmas special, we all agreed to participate together as a family in those activities such as driving around looking at Christmas lights, going to Christmas Eve Worship, reading the Christmas story from the Bible together, and going Christmas caroling. Most of the items that made Christmas memorable and meaningful for each family member were something simple that we’d repeated every year of their lives.

The bonus of handling Christmas plans in this way was that everyone felt heard, and no one felt disappointed. No one felt coerced, but everyone felt a part of the family. Peace and family unity was restored, and the stress of meltdowns and disappointments was gone. And I was more relaxed and less stressed throughout the season. Everything felt more focused on Jesus as well.

Most families (and in my family – I’m the biggest culprit) try to cram everything into Christmas—elaborate decorations, packed schedules, every tradition, all the magic. But for mixed needs families, this can backfire.

However, Christmas can become the season where we can deepen connections and create lasting, joyful moments with our families. The benefits are truly life-giving as we slow down, listen to each other, and plan together for a Christmas filled with holiness, blessings, and our unique families. This Christmas can truly become your family’s Christmas defined by worship for Jesus and the needs of each family member.

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” (Luke 2:14, ESV)