How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalm 119:103, ESV)
The psalmist says God's words are sweeter than honey. They are, and they should be. However, I’ve also seen them used as weapons and treated more like something to slap a child with rather than to bless him.
You may know what I’m talking about. A child melts down, lashes out, or forgets for the fortieth time, and a parent reaches for a verse. "Children, obey your parents." "Be kind to one another." The verse is true. The way it's delivered says something else: God is on my side, and you're in trouble with both of us.
You know I have a story, but I honestly hate to share it. There is a verse in the Bible during the heartbreaking rebellion of King Saul when God rejects him, but I used it on our kids as a condemnation rather than a lesson. One thing I hate is lying. I could handle just about any other disobedient action from my kids except lying. My parents didn’t tolerate it, and I didn’t either. That verse came to my mind and flew from my lips: “Lying is like the sin of witchcraft.” And then I explained how telling a lie broke down trust and relationships. I wish I had just started there.
First, I used Scripture as a weapon.
Second, I misquoted the verse (see below).
Third, I took it out of context.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king. (1 Samuel 15:23, KJV)
I can’t think of three worse ways to abuse Scripture. Wielding Scripture carelessly in anger is probably not the wisest choice anyone can make.
So here's the question for this month: in your home, is God's Word a refuge or a whipping post?
Why our kids feel it more
Every child can tell the difference between a verse offered to them and a verse aimed at them. In a mixed-needs family, the stakes are especially high.
A child with anxiety already hears correction as catastrophe. A child with ADHD has heard "pay attention" so many times that one more verse about self-control just confirms what they already believe: I'm the problem. An autistic child may take the words literally and permanently. If Scripture is the thing that shows up when they fail, they'll learn to brace when the Bible comes out.
And the neurotypical sibling is watching, too. They notice which child gets the verses.
What Paul told parents
Ephesians 6 is often quoted to children. The verse to parents gets less attention sometimes: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
The instruction of the Lord isn't the problem. Provoking is. A verse used to win an argument, shame a struggle, or end a conversation provokes--it hurts. The same verse, offered at the right time in the right tone instructs--it helps. It’s the difference between making Scripture bitter to a child or sweet as honey.
Keeping Scripture as a refuge
Psalm 46:1 calls God "our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." A refuge is where you run when you're in trouble, not the thing you're in trouble with. Here's how to make Scripture feel like the refuge it was meant to be:
Separate the verse from the consequence. Correct the behavior first. Bring the Word later, when everyone is calm, and bring it as comfort or wisdom, not as evidence.
Lead with the verses about God's heart toward them. Before a child hears what God expects, they need to hear what God feels. Zephaniah 3:17. Isaiah 43:1. Romans 8:38–39.
Let them see you need it. Read a verse aloud on your own hard day. "I'm frustrated, so I'm reading Psalm 46." That example teaches better than any lecture.
Never quote Scripture mid-meltdown. A dysregulated brain can't receive it. Presence first, then words. (This is the P in PEACE in my PEACE challenge.)
Repair when you get it wrong. "I used that verse to make you feel bad. That wasn't fair to you or to God's Word. I'm sorry." (And also correct any misquote or out-of-context use of the verse as well to help our children not only love God's Word but know what it really says).
If it's already a whipping post
Some of you are reading this with a sinking feeling. Your child already rolls their eyes, or goes quiet, when you open the Bible.
It isn't too late. Children are resilient and more forgiving than we realize. When the pattern changes and stays changed, they will adapt. Start small. One verse at bedtime, offered as a gift, with no lesson attached. Weeks of that will say more than any apology.
We still have our moments of failure, but our children are grown now, and we’ve grown a lot over the years as parents. Our children find comfort in the Scriptures in spite of our missteps when they were little. Thankfully, they find strength and wisdom in God’s Word today. God is good.
This month, we're talking about how to make God's Word sweet for every child in your family — the one who can't sit still, the one who resents family devotions, and the one who has walked away. It starts here with whether the Word is a place your children run to or a place they run from.
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