Raising Welcoming Hearts: A Parent’s Guide to Fostering Hospitality in Children

by Terrie Hellard-Brown

Free Download: Hospitality Homework-Fun Activities to Help Kids Embrace a Welcoming Spirit

We probably all fondly remember having tea parties with our toddlers, pretending to sip the tea, complimenting their delicious cookies, and, of course, sticking out our pinkies properly. But have we thought about how important those experiences are? Beyond the heart-warming memories, our children were learning hospitality.

True hospitality goes beyond “Please” and “Thank You.” We aren’t just teaching our children manners. We’re teaching them the deeper meaning of living a life of welcome, ministry, and fellowship. We are helping them prepare for a more meaningful life of connection.

In the past, we taught it more naturally because girls were learning to cook, care for the younger children, and to do all the things their mother did, and boys learned at their father’s sides. However, today, with both parents often working outside the home, children in daycare and school most of the day, and devices vying for our attention, many of the skills of creating a home of hospitality and connection get lost along the way.

So, we need to teach hospitality, practice connection, and engender true fellowship much more intentionally these days. Below is a list of questions to start the discussion and to help our children think through how they can be hospitable and welcoming to guests. I would not plow through the questions all at once. It will sound like an interrogation! LOL! You will need to decide which are appropriate for your children’s ages, and maybe spend a few days talking through different parts of a dinner party.

One Thanksgiving we had a single young man join us, and he instructed me that I needed to have my children help more with clearing the table. It was Thanksgiving, so we had used the “good” plates, Plus, we had heavy casserole and roasting dishes on the table. My toddlers were not strong enough and steady enough to help carry most of the items from the table. I had them doing what I thought they could do well. I didn’t want the tears over broken dishes and dropped food. And I didn’t want the loss of my dishes either. He didn’t understand. He thought I was spoiling my kids. I share this to say, we need to recognize how much or how little our kids are capable of doing. We may not be comfortable with our children answering the door at their ages. We may want to leave the table setting to older children who won’t drop our best china. We may not want our children pouring drinks for guests. So, we need to think about what we do want our children to do at their current stages of development, and work on teaching those things. However, through it all, we are teaching how to love and serve others as well as how to connect with guests.

If we have children who are socially awkward or on the spectrum of ADHD or autism, we need to break down tasks and walk through how each is done in detail to help them be successful in the future.

I hope the questions will help spark some important and fruitful conversations. In between the questions, think of what you want to instill in your child’s heart. Think about what you can practice and pretend. Then, to celebrate, have a real tea party with friends or a dinner with family.

Teaching Hospitality: Questions for Children

Do you know what hospitality means?

Do you like having people come to our house to visit or eat together?

What’s your favorite memory?

Do you like visiting other people’s houses?

Who is your favorite person to visit? Why?

When you visit someone’s house, what do they do to help you feel at home?

How can you help make someone feel welcome?

Can you tell me how you would answer the door and invite someone in?

What if it’s cold outside, and they are wearing a coat—how can you help them?

How can you help make someone comfortable?

What does someone need when they visit our house?

Can you help get someone a drink or offer them a snack?

What would you talk about to make them feel at home?

When two adults are talking to each other, what should you do?

What is the polite way to leave and go play in your room?

Would you enjoy having our guests’ children play in your room?
If yes, how would you invite them to join you?
If no, what could you do to help in the kitchen or dining room?

What would you like to have as your job that day?

How could you help entertain younger children? Would you enjoy that?

What rules do you think are good for us to have at the table?

Are you okay with praying for our meal, or would you rather someone else pray?

What are good topics to talk about at the table?

Most of the time, should children start the conversation at the table?

When should you leave the table and how?

If people are leaving, what should you do if you are helping?

Who should clean up after a party?

How can you help?

How do you feel knowing you helped make people feel welcome and at home when they visited us?

When should we play on our phones or computers when we have guests?

The Blessing of Teaching Hospitality

Another blessing to teaching hospitality besides equipping our children to be successful adults, is the family connection and identity we feel. We are practicing teamwork and family togetherness. We are creating memories that our children will remember their whole lives. We are also helping them learn to cook, to clean, and to plan well. The bonuses and blessings of teaching hospitality are numerous and life-long lessons that bless our world.

So, have those tea parties. Play house. Let your children role play being mommies and daddies, shop owners, and artists. After all, when we do, we are training the next generation of amazing adults who value living a life of invitation and connection.

Note: Watch for my hospitality podcast episode for more information and some great books to add to your lessons in hospitality!