As we hold our little one in our arms for the first time, our first thoughts are usually about the awe and wonder of life and how good God is and maybe a little fear at the realization that we are now parents. But not too long after that first moment, we may begin dreaming of a future when this little one will serve God. Maybe we imagine the day this little one holds their own little one in their arms and hopes that child embraces their God as well.
There are moments in this parenting journey when we can see the legacy that brought us here and the legacy we are leaving for generations to come, but that all depends on the choices we make in being faithful followers of Christ and the choices our children and each generation makes to be faithful followers of Christ. Each one of us must make the choice to follow and then make the choices daily to help our children know and choose to follow Christ.
God’s Role in Our Children’s Faith
Thankfully, we aren’t the ones who draw our children to God. He does that himself. We are given the mandate to teach and train them (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). And that, we must take seriously, but we must take this on with the leadership, wisdom, and power of the Holy Spirit. If we do it in our own strength, we are sure to mess it up. We cannot ever forget that God is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). The Holy Spirit is the power in our lives that brings fruit (Galatians 5:22-23). God’s wisdom and knowledge (discernment) is what helps us know how and what to teach, and even when to teach (James 1:5). We cannot do this alone, and we must not do this alone.
And even then, we have no guarantee that our children will choose to follow Christ. That’s because God has given them a choice to believe and follow – or not (Joshua 24:15). Their faith must be their own, and we cannot force them to believe, and we cannot believe for them. We can teach, pray, and help them understand.
Reframing the Question
This fifth question is one of the hardest to answer. I would love to say that we know our discipleship efforts are working because our children love God and follow him faithfully. But, quite honestly, we can do all the right things, and our children may still choose to walk away from God. Thankfully, most don’t. Or they may take longer to make that commitment than we are comfortable with. And, today, many make a commitment and still choose to walk away from what seemed like genuine faith.
So, how do we answer this question? How do we know our efforts are working? I think we must change this question in order to answer it well. I think we must ask “How am I doing at teaching my children the faith I hold dear?” We can check ourselves with a few more questions, and maybe in the end, we’ll find a kind of answer to the question of whether our efforts are working.
Two Essential Truths to Remember:
1. God is actively working in our children’s lives. He does not want any to perish (2 Peter 3:9). He desires all people to follow him, and the Bible says no one seeks him unless he draws them (John 6:44). Rest assured, he is working and drawing your children to himself. We are working alongside him hopefully helping that process by teaching them what we’ve learned in our faith journey.
2. We may not see immediate results even if we’ve done everything right. As Paul wrote, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow” (1 Corinthians 3:6). Our efforts are working, not because our children have chosen to follow Christ, but because we have been obedient (2 John 1:6) and we know God is using our efforts in our children’s lives (Isaiah 55:11). Be faithful. Keep praying. Let God complete his work in each child’s life (Philippians 1:6).
Evaluating Our Discipleship Efforts
So, let’s evaluate ourselves. We have control over that. We can change if needed. How are we doing in our discipleship efforts? Ask yourself:
- Am I faithfully praying for my children? (Prayer is our most powerful parenting tool – Ephesians 6:18)
- Am I seeking to daily follow Christ faithfully? (Children learn more from what we do than what we say – 1 Corinthians 11:1)
- Do my children see my faith at work in my life and in our family? (Our authentic walk speaks volumes – Matthew 5:16)
- Am I leading my children by taking them to church, praying with them, and reading God’s Word together as a family? (Creating spiritual rhythms matters – Psalm 78:4-7)
- Am I panicking? (Fear indicates we’ve forgotten who’s really in control – 2 Timothy 1:7)
- Am I pushing? (Pressure often produces resistance, not faith – Ephesians 6:4)
- Am I shaming? (Shame never produces the righteousness God desires – Romans 8:1)
- Am I putting extra requirements on my children that the Bible does not teach? (Adding burdens beyond scripture creates unnecessary barriers – Matthew 23:4)
- Am I answering their questions honestly? (Truth spoken in love builds trust – Ephesians 4:15)
- Am I listening to their questions and objections about our faith? (Listening demonstrates respect for their journey – James 1:19)
- Are communication lines always open in our family? (Open dialogue invites growth – Proverbs 20:5)
- Do my children feel free to ask anything or discuss anything with me? (Creating safe spaces honors their process – Colossians 3:21)
- Am I discerning something in my child’s life that concerns me? (The Holy Spirit often speaks through parental intuition – Proverbs 22:6)
- Am I discipling out of a need for approval from others, having well-behaved kids, or a desire for a “perfect” family? (Our motives matter to God – 1 Thessalonians 2:4)
- How does our family deal with disagreements or hurt feelings? (How we handle conflict teaches volumes about grace – Ephesians 4:32)
- Do we tackle the hard questions and talk openly with our children about tough topics? (Avoiding difficult subjects creates gaps faith can’t fill – Proverbs 24:3-4)
- Am I striving for perfectionism in my own walk with God, or is my walk a picture of grace-filled resting in God? (Our children need to see us living in grace – 2 Corinthians 12:9)
- If my children described my faith, what would they say? (Their perception reveals our true witness – 2 Corinthians 3:2-3)
- If my children described God, what would they say? (Their view of God often mirrors their view of us – John 14:9)
- Do my children know I love them and am proud of them? (Unconditional love models God’s heart – 1 John 4:19)
The Mirror of Discipleship
If we take the time to ask these questions and honestly evaluate ourselves, we may see a clear picture of what kind of faith we’re teaching our children. We can see where we’re struggling and need God to help us make changes. We can understand more clearly what our children are internalizing about faith, God, and Christianity.
It seems that nothing we do in this life challenges us more than raising our children. More than anyone else, they know how to push our buttons, and they know when we are motivated by the wrong things. They are often little “truth-o-meters” seeing into our hearts better than we can. That’s why we’ve got to be honest and transparent with ourselves and with them. We can do this with the help of the Holy Spirit and the determination to be authentic followers of Christ.
We may never be praised by others, but I want Proverbs 31:28-30 to be my legacy. I want that to be true of me no matter how many times I mess up or do things right. Then, I know that if my children choose to follow Christ, they will have a good example of what real faith looks like with all its struggles, victories, and failures.
“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” (Proverbs 31:28-30, NLT)