How Do I Disciple My Child When I Feel Inadequate in My Own Christian Walk?

This is the second question in our series of the five most common questions parents ask about discipling their children. This week we do a bit of a deep dive into answering this question.

We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders.
(Psalm 78:4, NLT)

Do you remember your first day as a parent? I do. Our daughter was born with a cleft lip, and I remember listening to her breathing all night long that first night. I remember questioning every decision from what diapers to use to whether to keep trying to breast feed when it was such a challenge. Agony is a good way to describe those first days. I went from being a fairly confident adult to an insecure hormonal mess in a matter of hours. Thankfully, in God’s unending mercy, most of us adapt and learn to the point we feel like confident and competent human beings again before too long.

But it seems with the current spiritual atmosphere of our culture adding to our parental angst, we have another hurdle to tackle in our parenting challenges. How do we navigate the spiritual aspects of parenting our children? How do we disciple them? How do we explain deep theological questions (how do such little people come up with such deep questions, like “Who made God?” and “How do I know I’m saved?”) in a way that is true to God’s word and understandable for us and our kids?

Whether you’ve just recently become a follower of Christ or have been a believer since you were a child, we all feel inadequate in helping raise our children and especially in spiritual life. We may have confidence in sharing the Gospel, but we are not so confident about living out discipleship and helping our children grasp the importance of truly following Christ daily is something we rarely do well.

The Three Prayers that Change Everything

We have three prayers that completely change the situation. We need to pray for wisdom (James 1:5). And we need to pray for discernment (Philippians 1:9). Third, pray for a renewed mind. (Romans 12:1-2).

These three prayers transform our parenting because they align our hearts with God’s heart. When we ask for wisdom, we receive God’s perspective on situations that baffle us. When we pray for discernment, we begin to see beyond behaviors to the heart issues underneath. And when we pray for a renewed mind, our priorities shift from worldly concerns to eternal ones.

When we are parenting, we must learn to parent from the Father’s heart, not our own human desires. Too often we are concerned with outward behavior and behavior modification rather than true heart change in our children. It’s kind of like the tyranny of the urgent. We just want to get through our day as unscathed as possible and hope to keep our kids alive in the process. We feel too much pressure from those around us and what they might think to delve deeper into what’s really going on in our situation and in our child’s heart. Too often we forget our battle is not against flesh and blood (our children), but it is against the evil one. He is battling for our children. He is deceiving us and our children at times. We need to tackle the problem and work on the same side as our children. He is our enemy – they are not!

I often talk about seizing teachable moments, but that does not mean we realize our kids are asking questions and want answers, so we think we can bring on the 3-point sermon ending with a hug and a feeling of satisfaction that we’ve been a good parent. If we are parenting from God’s wisdom, discernment, and his mind, we can instruct, admonish, question, or listen as is needed in each situation. Only God can guide us in this. We must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.
Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
(Ephesians 6:4, NLT)

We don’t want to frustrate our children. We don’t want to discourage them from asking questions because they know they are going to get a lecture when they do. We don’t want them to think we are against them. We are undermining our own efforts when we do these things.

Examples of Everyday Discipleship

“What does this Spirit-led discipleship look like day-to-day? It might be:

• Pausing to pray together when your seven-year-old is frustrated with a difficult homework assignment, teaching them to bring even small struggles to God
• Acknowledging your own mistake when you lose your temper, demonstrating genuine repentance and showing that parents need Jesus too
• Reading Scripture at bedtime and asking open-ended questions like ‘What does this tell us about who God is?’ rather than rushing to explain everything yourself
• Pointing out God’s handiwork during an evening walk: ‘Look at that sunset! Isn’t God creative?’
• Responding to difficult news with ‘Let’s pray about this right now’ instead of only offering your own solutions

These moments might seem small, but they create a pattern that shows your children what it means to walk with Christ daily. They learn not from perfect parenting, but from seeing authentic faith lived out—even when that faith includes moments of struggle and questions.

So, whether we are veteran parents, veteran Christians or newbies in both areas, we need the Holy Spirit to help us. We need God’s wisdom. We need his understanding or discernment. And we need the mind of Christ.

People tell us all the time “you’ve got this!” when we’re feeling challenged in our parenting. Yeah – no. We don’t have this at all. We’ve got what it takes only because God has us. With him, we can do a fantastic job of parenting and discipling our children. But the minute we think we can do it ourselves, we’ve made a serious, prideful mistake. We can do this, just like we walk daily with Christ in our own faith journey – by relying on the power and leading of the Holy Spirit. He is our strength, comfort, guide. He gives us wisdom, understanding, and his thoughts.

Because of him, we can raise these wonderful little people God has given us to care for. We can daily teach them what he has taught us, just like we’re instructed to do in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up” (NLT).  and Matthew 28:19-20, “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,^[b] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. ²⁰ Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (NLT). With God, you’ve got this because these three prayers are prayers God will answer.

One Last Note About Inadequacy

If you are feeling inadequate in your faith, it may be because you are either being perfectionistic or because you are neglecting your walk. Only you and God can discern this, but I want to encourage you to ask God to check your heart. Are you putting unrealistic expectations on yourself trying to be the worlds best super-Christian-mom? Or are you busy doing everything except the most important things like sitting at Jesus’ feet by reading your Bible and praying each day. I know, as a mom, it is hard! As a dad it is hard! But, like I always tell my kids, just because it’s hard, that doesn’t mean we don’t do it. We must take time for our faith. We must spend time with God in more than panicked parental prayers.

I have been on both ends of this spectrum. Maybe we all have at times. But I can tell you from experience, the most wonderful, fulfilling place to be is knowing I’ve spent time in God’s presence and in his word. I walk into my day with my family having a heart filled with peace and joy instead of a head filled only with an agenda and expectations. So, I encourage you to find at least a snippet of minutes where you can focus on the Lord, his word, and prayer. Your family will be blessed by that time you spend with God. And God will help you find that time if you will just ask him. Maybe that’s the fourth prayer we need to pray – God, help me find some time to spend alone with you today. That is definitely a prayer he will answer.

Even Jesus, with all the demands on His time and ministry, made this a priority: “Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray.” (Mark 1:35, NLT) If Jesus needed this time with the Father, how much more do we as parents? This time alone with God isn’t a luxury—it’s the very source of the wisdom, discernment, and renewed mind we need to disciple our children well.